Riches to Rags

Three years ago, I found myself at the scariest point of my debts.

A lot of things happened since the end of my marriage, and there were certainly some good times in terms of my own achievements and success independent of any of my ex-husband‘s help or anyone else’s. However, I’m focusing this post on what I felt was a very scary time for me. I was back to struggling financially, everything felt like it was snowballing and I was being crushed by the weight of my debts. I got in touch with a Budget Advisor, and we discussed some possibilities for me which included filing for bankruptcy. This was offered as a way to wipe the slate clean, but I was keen to avoid that because I had worked so hard to get where I was, and even though following Covid a lot of people found themselves in the same situation, bankruptcy for me still carried a certain stigma and I worried about the long-term barriers. As we chipped away together, I learned a lot about my financial situation. Things I should’ve known a long time ago, about interest rates, fees, taxes and overall budgeting. It was a real wake up call for me because I had relied so heavily on my ex-husband – not financially but his advice and knowledge. Retrospectively I should’ve sort out a Budget Advisor when we first separated because I hadn’t realised how ignorant I was. But again, that’s the benefit of hindsight.

There was one particular bill I had hanging over my head. Most collection agencies in my experience will work with the customers in order to get things paid. And I found that even credit card companies and car finance companies offered flexibility and were open to discussion if the communication was in place. But this particular debt offered no flexibility, despite the transparency of my financial situation and my Budget Advisor advocating on my behalf. In January 2023 I had a knock at the door and it was a bailiff giving me papers threatening bankruptcy. I was devastated as I’d come so far with my financial situation, and no one thought it would come to this situation with this one particular debt. Simply, I had no assets, there were no funds available and yet this particular debt collection agency was not prepared to work with me. I sought free legal advice and they were surprised that bankruptcy would be threatened over what would be seen as a marginally small amount. I was advised to attend a bankruptcy Meeting and put my case across as only the court can make the decision. But for me it was too much of a risk. I’d already attended a financial assessment hearing, the person filing the claim did not turn up, and the court found that I would not be able to make payments. The Budget Advisor and I talked about the pros and cons of me accepting my fate. But the fear of the barrier placed by bankruptcy was too much for me, so my Budget Advisor arranged for a loan to cover the debt, which I pay weekly and will continue to do for the next three years. It was a relief that the bankruptcy was then taken off of the table. From that point on I saw that as another mark of my achievement and success, I had narrowly avoided bankruptcy. I had knowledge of my financial situation and I was working hard to get control.

Now I find myself in a situation where my financial situation has taken a dive, and I’m disappointed that I’ve come full circle. I’ve been able to survive by the skin of my teeth. I’m not facing bankruptcy at the moment, nor would I like to consider that in the future particularly as I’ve worked so hard to avoid it.

It is in this new situation, where I have found myself reaching out to food banks which I hadn’t done previously.

It would be easy to point out where things had gone wrong if I had a gambling or any sort of addiction problem, if I was spending amounts of money on beauty appointments, or holidays. But that isn’t the case, like a lot of people, I’m struggling with the cost of inflation, the cost of basic needs, and trying desperately to look after my children, without any financial support. Every day feels like a never-ending battle, but I’m grateful to still have a roof over my head, electricity, and my children being fed.

I still work with the Budget Advisor, and I do everything I can to stay on top of things. I don’t tell my children what’s going on for me, so I spend many a sleepless night ruminating over what I need to do, how best I can change my situation, and everything I’ve done wrong. I don’t deny any accountability for my situation. However, it’s very isolating and lonely trying to manage everything alone.

This is part of the reason why I decided to create this blog. I want to remind myself of things that I have achieved, I want to recognise periods of my life where I thought I would never get through it, but I’m still going today.